


Hell Hath No Fury

by wolfpawn



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, Marking, Marriage, Pregnancy, Revenge, TW : Miscarriage, Tumblr: imagine-loki, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5299667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfpawn/pseuds/wolfpawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine Loki Prompt. </p><p>You are married to Loki, and to show your love, you use your seidr to mark you both. If either of you are to violate this pact, the other will know by the pain the mark causes, whether it a small prick caused by an exchange of touches, or the numbing pain of a limb by a kiss. When you fall pregnant, there is a celebration for the occasion, at it, an ex lover of Loki's comes to the event, and one thing leads to another and they are intimate. </p><p>You wake to agony, and though it is too soon, you go into labour. When you realise the extent of Loki's deceit, there are terrible consequences</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you happy my love?” Loki smiled, swinging you around as you danced. 

“More so than I ever thought imaginable.” You all but cried in happiness. 

After a long courtship finally you were able to call Loki your husband. The realm rejoiced, elated that the second prince had settled down and chosen a wife of good standing and kind nature; not like his previous suitor, Lorelei, a conniving and scheming wench. 

You had seen her earlier in the evening, glaring hatefully at you; the reason she had been able to wed into the Aesir royal family. She was nothing more than a money and status hungry harlot. If she thought there was something to be gained from entering a mans bedchambers, she was within them and undressed before you could ask her what day of the week it was. She had left not long after the meal had ended, leaving you to enjoy your evening. If Loki had noticed her at any stage, he said nothing; instead his attention was fully on you. 

“I think it time you and your bride retired for the evening.” Odin smiled as he danced with Frigga next to you both. 

“You heard my father my darling.” Loki grinned wolfishly. “Just you and me for the next few days.”

“I hope you do not tire of me in that time.” 

“Not possible, I merely wish to tire you out.” 

You leant bashfully against him as it was declared you were leaving for the night. Cheers and wolf whistles resounded around the hall, the most loud and boisterous of which came from Thor and his warrior companions. 

You were not entirely as innocent as you appeared; you and Loki had explored one another’s bodies before, seeking and finding pleasure in each other, but only with your hands and mouths. That night would be something far greater, consummating your marriage. Bringing your bodies together as one, and even perhaps creating a new life in the process. You were both incredibly excited and absolutely petrified simultaneously. 

When you got to your now shared bedchambers, your body shook with nervous excitement. It took longer than you had expected to prepare for bed as your dress was ridiculously designed and took two maids assistance to extradite yourself from it. Your hair was a similar state of affairs, more pins than hair, the maid had commented. She wasn’t entirely wrong. It became a concern when you got the idea in your head that Loki was at risk of being asleep by the time you were fully undressed. Finally, you were ready, and the maids bowed and took their leave, the small smirks on their faces made it clear they knew what was ahead of you for the evening. 

“You took some time my darling. I was concerned that you had gotten cold feet.” Loki smiled when you finally joined him in the bedroom. Your gaze found itself looking over his handsome form. He wore only a pair of loose fitting sleep pants and a loose shirt, the top four buttons of which were open, and revealed a substantial area of his chest and sternum. “You look ravishing.” He grinned. “I could just eat you up.” 

“And I could just tear open that shirt and nip and bite my way down that chest.” You responded lustfully, your body already begging for his touch.

He held his hands out, palms skyward. “As my legal wife, you have the authority and indeed my consent to do so.” 

So you did, in animalistic fashion. Though you both enjoyed your actions with one another before, you were both elated that there was finally no holding back, no reining in the passion you had both been forced to control before. It began as it always had, petting, kissing and nipping, but soon it escalated into full blown amorous pleas of pleasure and ecstasy. You never truly knew pleasure until that night. All other times you had risen to your peak were nothing in comparison. 

As Loki lay above you, his manhood reaching parts of you that you never knew existed, much less assumed could feel pleasure, you knew you loved him with all your being, and that you would not, and could not ever love another. A few moments after your release came to you; Loki’s followed, your nails digging roughly into the skin of his toned ass as he finally ceased moving. 

“That was…” You panted. 

“I am unsure such pleasure is possible to reach again. I think we have set the bar incredibly high.” Loki leant down and kissed you. 

“I get to sleep with you tonight.” You all but sang, getting comfortable in his strong arms. 

“And I with you. You are never to rest anywhere but in my arms my love, is that understood?” He smiled as he pulled you onto his chest, over his heart. 

Before breakfast the next morning you found yourself lying under your new husband once more, screaming his name as he caused you more immense and intense pleasure. As you felt the last few twitches of his manhood after it released his seed within you, you found yourself laughing nervously. Something Loki noticed immediately. 

He placed you hair behind your ear so he could look at you properly in the eye. “What has you anxious my darling?” 

“What if?” 

“Yes?”

“What if I become with child?”

Loki cocked a brow slightly at the question. “Do you not wish to bear my child?” He asked, his voice neutral as he tried to mask the hurt in his eyes. 

You had discussed it before the wedding, an you had declared that you were very much in favour of starting a family as soon as you had settled into married life, and now that you found yourself bonded to Loki in the most intimate of ways, you were all the more willing to have one. “No, I want it even more so now.” 

“Then I fear I do not understand.” He was forced to admit.

“I am a little anxious as to how alright I am with the whole situation, and I am nervous with regards carrying a child.” 

Loki sighed in relief. “That is natural my love. I am somewhat nervous of such things also, but I am far more excited with regards it than fearful.”

“I feel such too, just perhaps I did not articulate it as well.” Loki wrapped his arms around you comfortingly. “I need some breakfast, I fear you have exhausted my body, dear husband.” 

“I will never tire of that title I would think.” He grinned as he attempted to untangle himself from the tossed sheets around him. 

“Good, for I would not bear it were it to be relinquished.” 

“That will never happen.” He swore, kissing your bare shoulder as you looked around to find a robe to wear in attempts to have some modicum of humility as you ate your meal. 

X X X X X X X

“Loki?”

“Yes?” He smiled, kissing your bare shoulder as you both lay in one another’s arms after celebrating your first wedding anniversary, both publically and then privately in your chambers. 

“I love you with all my heart, you know that, don’t you?” 

Loki pulled back slightly. “Yes, I do, as I love you. Why?” 

“I want to prove to you how much.” You stated, staring at the pillow you had been lying on. 

“I do not follow.” 

“I want to do a Threyja bond.” 

“A…darling, those are severely complex, and the strongest form of magic.” Loki sat up. 

“I know, I have studied it for as long as I have known you. I know how to do it.” 

Loki was surprised by the admission. “Are you sure you wish to do it?” 

You finally turned to look at him. “I am.” You nodded. “As sure as I love you.” 

He gave a smile in return. “So tell me then, what is it that is required of me?”

It was as difficult and as complex as you had expected it to be, but you had done it. Having recently expressed you love for one another physically had assisted also, and in the end, over both your hearts, lay a symbol, a simple mark that would remain for as long as your magic kept it there. It would smart if a small indiscretion would occur, such as a lingering touch. It would be a sign of your loyalty and fidelity to one another.

You found Loki standing facing a mirror in just his sleep pants admiring the mark one morn after you had left the bath chambers. “Do you regret it my dear?” You asked, placing your arms around his lithe waist. 

“Not for one instant.” He grinned wolfishly at you in the mirror before turning and grabbing you, bringing you back to your bed to show you just how much he loved you. 

As though aided by the marking, you very soon noticed slight changes to yourself. One morning as you were preparing to dress for the day, you noted your breasts to be quite tender. Frowning, you gently held them, they also seemed slight bigger. 

“Darling, not that I am not enjoying watching you, but what in Valhalla’s name are you doing?” Loki half laughed as he watched you. 

You turned to face him, your still bare breasts in your hands. “I think they are slightly different.” You stated. 

He walked over. “I shall be the judge of that. I think I am somewhat an expert of them by now.” He winked, taking them in his hands. “They are slightly bigger, and heavier it would seem. And if I am not mistaken, the peaks.” He stroked his thumbs over the nipples, causing you to gasp with their tender state. “Are slightly darker.” 

“What does that mean?” You asked, slightly fearful. 

“Well I think you will find my dear innocent little wife, that you are in need of seeing Eir.” 

“Why?” You looked at him in concern. “Loki, why do I need to see her?”

“Because my love, I think your body is altering in such a manner so that you will be able to feed my child growing within you.” 

“Your…Really?” You dared not to hope. 

“I think so, yes.” He smiled happily, taking your chin with his index finger and tilting your head up to kiss you gently. “I thought it would never be possible to love you any more, how wrong I was.”

Sure enough, Eir confirmed you were a few weeks along. Soon you would feel nauseous and tired, and soon after your belly would swell to accommodate the growing infant within. 

Loki smothered you with affection as soon as you were in the privacy of your own rooms once more. 

“Loki.” You giggled as his hair slid along your neck while he peppered your throat and jaw with kisses. 

“I cannot help myself my dear. A child, our child.” His voice giving away his excitement. “I cannot wait to meet it. To see our son or daughter in our arms. To see you feeding them from these glorious breasts.” He cupped them in his hands as he spoke of them.

“You had better cease teasing me husband because if you continue any longer you will be forced to finish what you started. My body yearns for such things at present and your actions are in no way helpful.” You gasped fisting his onyx coloured hair as his lips made their way down your neck and his hands pulled up the skirt of your dress, revealing you legs all the way to your aching core. 

“Well that will not do now will it?” He smirked. 

X X X X X X

The realm celebrated your news with joyous cheers and delight when it was finally announced. Thor, who had taken over as King, decided such an occasion merited a feast in its honour, which, unsurprisingly was also met with cheers. Rubbing your already well rounded stomach, which had been well hidden under well designed dresses for several weeks, you gave a shy smile as the room cheered your imminent arrival. 

“How did you hide it so long? I would have thought you would have been singing it from the rooftop of the palace long before now.” Sif laughed as she sat beside you at the feast. 

“I think you are forgetting that I told you the day I found out myself.” You laughed. 

“Yes, but to hide it from the realm for so long. If my time comes, I do not think I shall be as tight lipped.” 

“Well then I shall see it as a true testament to our friendship that you remained silent on my behalf then, shall I?”

“I think you should.” Sif squeezed your hand tightly. “I am so happy for you, you deserve such happiness.”  
“You can thank Loki for that.” You smiled in return. “He is the most loving man I have ever had the good fortune to meet. That is not something one could ever have imagined saying when he was younger, is it?” 

“No.” Sif frowned, looking to Loki, who was smiling proudly as one of the Lords of court were congratulating him on the announcement of his child. “It is sometimes hard to believe. Though Loki never seemed to be a philanderer with regards to women, it was always that he was seen as too great a prankster.” 

“He has not lost not that streak entirely, I think it safe to say.” You smiled and waved as Loki and the Lord saluted you. You tried to stifle a yawn. “I find myself far too tired for my own good of late.” 

“I hear carrying a child does that to you.” Sif sympathised. “It is late enough for none to take offense, I saw your beloved in-laws retire earlier.” Go rest, no doubt Loki will return to your chambers soon after he realises you are gone.” 

“Normally I would wait but with the child being over half way to being born, I think I have endured all I can for one evening. Goodnight Sif.” 

“And a good night to you, sleep well.” You gave her a look. “Or as well as one can with a child bloating out your midriff.” 

Tired you slowly made you way to Loki, informing him you were retiring for the night. With assurances that he would follow shortly and a loving kiss to your temple, you went to your chambers and fell asleep quickly, holding the pillow that Loki rested on to your nose so to smell him as you slept. 

 

Loki said his goodbyes to the Lord before deciding to head towards the bed chambers. The hallway was deserted as he made his way to the palaces private quarters. 

“Well well, who would have thought, the scoundrel Loki, all settled down, a family man.” Lorelei sang tauntingly as she stepped out from behind a pillar. 

“And pray tell what concern is it of yours?” Loki raised a brow. “Have you ran out of men to bed, so you are trying to make your way back around again?”

“I wonder what your wife would say if she were to know of what deeds you had done with me before she lay with you in her marriage bed.” She grinned slyly.

“Lorelei.” Loki warned. 

“Oh I will not say anything, I have little doubt she would nearly birth the brat early with shock if I was to tell her of how you used to slam into me from behind where none other seemed to want to go.” Lorelei grunted as Loki pushed her against the pillar she had walked out from behind. “Tell me.” She grinned wickedly. “Have you ever taken her in the way you have taken me? I bet she is too prude for that. Do you miss it? Do you miss the feeling of my ass constricting around you as you pound into me?” 

Loki was hardly able to keep the sound from escaping his throat as he thought back to how good it had felt when he used to bed her. Of late the growing child had caused you not to feel so amorous, meaning his body reacted quickly to the harlot’s words. He was about to tell her to get lost when he heard voices coming toward them. His eyes widened as Thor's booming laugh and Sif’s voice told him who was coming. If either saw him with Lorelei of all women, there would not be a way to explain away his deep breathing and raging erection. Using his seidr he teleported himself and the temptress to another part of the palace he knew none would be. 

He cursed it when he realised he teleported them to the rooms you had stayed in before your wedding. Lorelei took it to mean something else entirely and pulled the strings of her dress, causing it to open and fall from her shoulders. 

“I know you remember how good it felt Loki. One more romp won’t harm anyone, will it?” She glanced seductively over her shoulder as the dress fell off her hips and to the floor, revealing her bare ass to him, swaying it side to side to tempt him. Not taking any time to consider his actions and he possible consequences, Loki locked the doors with his seidr and cast a spell that even if someone were to come in, they would see an empty room and would not hear anything within it. He then walked to the woman smiling coyly at him, biting the fleshy area of her rounded ass cheek before untying his pants. 

X X X X X 

You woke to a burning sensation in your chest. It was as though someone has splashed scalding water onto you. Hissing in pain, you turned to ask Loki to call upon Eir, but the bed was empty beside you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go into labour as a result of Loki's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING childbirth and infant death.

You looked around, even in the dark, and with the pain radiating through your body, you could still sense that not much time had passed since you had fallen asleep. Scared, you called for your husband; afterall he said he would follow soon after. “Loki? Ah!” The pain intensified rapidly. 

“With a loud scream, your seidr began to flare. Remembering your gifts, you sent a copy of yourself to wake a member of your maid staff. She soon arrived, and told you that she had met Lady Sif and Thor, who had rushed to get Eir and find Loki. You barely heard anything she said as the pain increased more and more. 

Sif and Eir seemed to take an eternity to come, but they finally did. Eir asked you to describe the pain as Sif remained by your side. The healer decided to check the birth canal. “The baby is coming.” She stated surely. 

“But it is not yet due for another season.” Sif could not hide her panic. 

“It is not. It is very early, but I assure you; this child will be born before the sun rises.” 

“Loki!” You cried, terrified at the healers words. 

“Thor has gone in search of him. I will join him for a short time, and I will get the Dowager for you.” Sif promised as she ran from the room. 

“Listen to me your Highness, I know this hurts, and I know you are scared for your child, but it needs you to be strong. If it is anywhere near as strong a seidr wielder as you and his highness, it has a good chance of surviving this. But you need to conserve your strength; the birth will not be easy.”

You nodded to signify that you understood. There were always stories that childbirth was gruesome and agonising, but you were not prepared for the all consuming pain you were currently experiencing. As much as you loved Loki, you were unsure if you ever wished to bear and birth a child again. 

Sif scoured everywhere. Einharjar were sent all over the palace in search of the prince. Thor and the Warrior’s Three checked every last nook and cranny they knew Loki frequented. Thor went so far as to go across the Bifrost Bridge and ask Heimdall if he could see his brother, but there was no sign of him. Loki was nowhere to be found. 

When Sif returned to the rooms, she was welcomed by the sounds of screams of agony she had never witnessed the likes of before, even in the midst of battle. She walked into the bedchamber as Eir and her aides attempted to assist in getting the child out of your body, Frigga by your side, placing a damp cloth to your head. 

“Sif.” You whimpered between different contractions. “Where?” 

“We cannot find him.” She admitted sadly. 

At that precise moment, another agonising contraction ripped through your body. “Just one last push your Highness.” Eir encouraged. 

With teeth bared, you pushed through the agony. You felt the small body leaving your own and waited for the pain to subside and the sound of an infants cry. Neither came. 

Another wave of torturous pain overtook you as Eir and her aids set about trying to care for the child. “What is happening?” You begged for relief and answers as tears streamed down your face. 

“I am so sorry your Highness, there is nothing we could do.” There was genuine grief in the healer’s words. 

“Why does it still hurt?” You cried, not able to accept what she had told you.

“I do not know your Highness.” She admitted staring fearfully at you. “I am going to see if you are wounded by the birth, but other than that, I genuinely do not know.” 

The pain finally died down, and the horrific truth seeped through your mind; the baby had died. Numbed by grief, you ignored Sif, Frigga and Eir as they made arrangements and organised different things around you. 

As you folded your arms to embrace yourself with your grief and loss, a realisation came to you. The pain was greatest at your chest, over your heart, over your mark. Loki was nowhere to be found, and now you knew why. “No.” The word was barely a whisper. Tears of pain fell from your eyes anew, not from the physical pain you had endured, but of a more permanent and deeper agony as you realised what had happened. 

“We will continue to look for Loki.” Frigga stated, unsure of how to deal with what had happened you. “We have to bring the baby to prepare him for his…” 

‘His.’ A son. “Let me see him.” Eir and Frigga looked at one another apprehensively. “I want to see him.” You stated firmly, so they brought the baby to you. Taking him in your arms, you looked at him and choked on a sob. Wrapped in a little blanket, he was perfect, beautiful. A tiny, perfectly formed being with soft skin, and his father’s dark hair. You never wanted to leave him go. “I’m sorry.” You wept. “I am so so sorry.” 

“This is no ones fault.” Sif did her best to sooth you as Frigga took him from you. 

“He was moving when I was falling asleep, I felt him. I…I cursed him for causing me to have to go to the bathroom. I…Why was I not taken with him. Why did he do this to me?” 

“Do not say that.” Sif growled, heartbroken at your anguish. “Do not ever say that.” She pulled your face up to look at her. “You need to be strong now, you need to let your body recover.” You only gave a small nod in return. 

X X X X X X

Loki straightened up his clothing. Lorelei had left the palace without being seen, he had assured it. Waking beside her and not beside his wife in the morning had made him feel just as wrong and sordid as the actions they had partaken in the night before had. He knew he would have to make up for his terrible transgression, even if you were blissfully unaware of it. He decided that on returning to your chambers, he would send his hand servant to the kitchens for your favourite breakfast and serve it to you in bed, as you loved on a quiet day. 

There was an odd sort of din around the halls as he walked through them, he came across very few, and the Einharjar simply remained in position, though looking at him oddly. Or was he just imagining such? 

When he came to your chambers a very peculiar sensation went through his spine, he walked like what he was sure it was like to be submerged in the icy waters of the glacial lakes of Jötunheim. The rooms were empty. There was no sign of the multitude of staff that usually saw to your collective needs. He cautiously walked through the other set of doors to the bedchambers, shocked to see the curtains still pulled and the room still in darkness. Walking over to the bed, he realised you were facing away from him, away from his side of the bed, he could not recall a time you had ever slept not facing him. As he got closer, he realised you were awake. “Are you alright darling?” You did not respond, causing him to worry. “Where is everyone my love?” 

Finally you react, not how you expected and most certainly not as he expected you to. You let out a cold laugh, one filled with the anger and bitterness you had pent up in you since the moment you realised why your world had imploded. You turned to face him and sat up. With a flick of your wrist, your Threyja mark, the one you had put on your skin to declare your eternal love to the man who took everything from you, faded to nothing in front of you both. Loki frowned in confusion. You looked at his hand, took a deep breathe and clenched your fist tightly. 

The crack of bones breaking filled the room, followed very closely by a strangled gasp from Loki. “Love?” You snarled. “You dare to even utter such a word to me? After what you have done?” He steeped back, so you clenched your fist again, snapping his ankle, which caused him to shout in pain. “You forgot about the mark, didn’t you, as you lay with her, your whore? Well I did not forget it, how could I when agony coursed through me, when the pain became so great that my waters broke and I went into labour.” Your anger took over and as you rose from the bed, you balled your two hands into fists, dislocating one of his shoulders and a kneecap. “I was in that bed, calling for you, begging for you to come be by my side, but you were too busy with whatever filthy wench you found.” Tears fell again as you thought of how you wanted him by your side, how you thought him being there would help. 

Loki accepted the injuries without contest. “Where’s…The baby?” He looked around frantically; there was no sign of a crib or cradle in the room. Had it been taken out to allow you to rest? 

“The baby died within me as my body tried to fight the agony I endured, the agony you caused me. I was forced to birth him anyway. I never got to hear his cry, hear his laugh, because you killed him.” Your voice shook. 

Loki’s eyes bulged wide as he processed what you had said. He realised with horror the full extent of his actions. He felt a terrible guilt for what he did to you, he had forgotten to about the Threyja mark, but then for the pain of his betrayal to cause his son to die. His son, his heir, gone, before he ever took a breath. Tears welled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Was she worth it?” He looked up; the hatred on your face scared him. “My heart, his life, was she worth such sacrifices? Though of course she was, you were not the one to give them.” He bowed his head in shame. “I can never express the agony I endured last night, I thought the physical pain was unsurpassable, but when I realised why I lost my baby, I was terribly mistaken.” 

“I’m so sorry.” He wept. 

You shook with hatred and anger. “Why are you sorry, you say sorry if you have done something without intending for someone to get hurt, but you could only have intended to hurt me? Did you think I would never find out? Were you going to pretend like nothing ever happened? I was warned about you, you know, before our marriage. I was told to keep away from you, you were nothing but trouble. I did not listen, I thought I knew better.” You gave another cold laugh. “I was so very very wrong. I loved you so much Loki.” 

“No, you still love me; I know you do, I wronged you, yes, I admit it, but I love you so greatly.” 

“How can you claim such things when you have done what you have done to me?” Surprisingly tears did not come to your eyes, you were beyond them now. 

“Please, please let me try and right my wrongs.” He begged. 

“Can you bring him back?” Loki flinched. “Why would I ever set myself up to fail a second time?” You snarled. 

“I failed you, you never failed, this was not your doing.” He tried to state. 

“Well clearly I did something wrong. Was I not adventurous enough, did I not satisfy you? Why did you not tell me?” 

Your anger had torn him apart, but your questions on how you failed him broke his heart. “It was not you. Please, put the marks back, I will show you, for the rest of our lives what you mean to me.” 

“Leave me be.”

“Darling…”

“Let me mourn my baby.” You cried out. “Just leave me be.” 

Allowing his seidr to heal his injuries, Loki forces himself to his feet. “I…Where is he?” 

You did not answer, weak from the torture you had endured physically and mentally from Loki’s actions, as well as from childbirth, the subsequent loss and the confrontation with him, you were too tired to care about him at present. Instead you crawled back into the bed and ignored him, not caring what he did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral and the family finds out the dirty secret.

You stood at the shore line and watched as your beautiful son, who never experienced the world, lay on his funeral vessel, dressed in white as well as being surrounded by gifts that those close to you had gotten in anticipation of the royal child, and was pushed from the shoreline. Thor held his head solemnly as he gave the order for the chief archer to loose the flaming arrow. The boat burned quickly and all too soon, the ball of light rose from the burning vessel and glowed brightly above in the sky. 

No one said anything as you turned and walked back to the palace. Thor looked to Loki, but the younger could not meet his gaze. Thor took it to be because of his brothers own grief as well as guilt at not being by your side throughout the ordeal, and not because of him causing it. 

If you met anyone on your way through the palace, you were not aware of it. Instead, you trundled aimlessly, lost in your grief, your arms wrapped around you, as though holding you together. After some time, you realised there was a peculiar mumbling in your ear, which dragged you back to paying attention. Someone was speaking to you, but in your dazed state, it simply sounded like you were hearing it from under water. Looking around, you found the speaker, and immediately regretted even looking. “I am in no mood for you today.” You warned. 

“I would imagine not, since all you are expected to do as the adored, precious, kept princess is to breed, and you clearly cannot perform such a basic task, much like your inability to satisfy your husband’s needs.” 

Her words slowly sunk in and you realised what she was insinuating. “You?” As if the situation could not get any worse. “He lay with you.” 

“Oh. Did Loki get a pang of guilt and tell you of his dirty little deeds? Yes, your dear husband was with me, but there was very little laying involved it must be said. Such a foul wife you are to have him so desperate for attention he had to do the things he did with me.” She sneered. 

You saw red after that. 

X X X X X X X

“Loki, I cannot imagine your sense of loss at this time.” Thor stated solemnly as they walked through the great halls of the palace. 

Loki remained silent as he slowly walked. He had not been able to heal the injuries you had given him with your seidr properly, as the remainder of your magic remained at the site of the breaks, causing him to ache terribly, no matter how he attempted to ease it. He simply nodded at his brother, his guilt consuming him, as he was forcibly reminded time and again of what he caused. Sif walked along with them, not saying anything, as she felt nothing she could say would ease the suffering her close friends were going through. 

“Has she spoken of it at all? It will ease her heart is she actually talks about it.” 

“She has locked the chamber doors with her seidr; no one can get in or out.” Sif informed Thor. It was noted even by the staff that Loki had not been able to get inside, though none knew the reason for it. 

“I know she is grieving, and there is no comparison to a mother’s loss, but you have lost your child too Loki and you need one another now more than ever.” 

“Please Thor.” Loki was feeling ill with guilt. “Just stop.”

They turned the corner to go down another hall. “I understand brother, I just…What in the Nine?”

They stood frozen at the scene in front of them. You stood over Lorelei, who was clearly screaming but no sound was coming from her. Her limbs contorted grotesquely at different angles, worse so than Loki’s had been when you had broken them. Three Einherjar stood nearby, watching fearfully, knowing what Lorelei had said and that you were now beyond reason. 

“Sif, Loki…” Thor ordered, hoping to snap the both of them from their own stunned states. He ran forward and pulled you back. “Please, I know you are grieving but this is not Lorelei’s doing.” He pleaded, hoping you would see sense. 

Releasing the harlot from your seidr, you allowed him pull you back, as Lorelei’s voice came back to her and she lay on the ground, whimpering pathetically. 

“You’re right.” You admitted dejectedly. 

“No one is to blame.” Thor attempted to sooth. 

“No, there is.” You pointed to Loki. “He is.” You could not look at your husband. 

“What?” Thor looked between you both. “What are you talking of?” 

“Ask him,” Your tone cold. 

“Loki?” Thor stared at his brother, who could not bring himself to look at him. “Brother, what is going on?”

Sif’s hand went over her mouth as she gasped, realising what was being said. Thor looked at his close friend, hoping for an explanation. Instead of saying anything to him, she took a dagger and held it to Loki’s throat. “That is why we could not find you, why the baby died.” 

“Sif!” Odin snapped, having heard the commotion and come to investigate. “Such are very strong and terrible insinuations.” 

“It is not a mere insinuation though is it Loki?” She stared at the second prince, who could not meet her gaze. “She cried for you, begged for you, and when you did not come, she asked why, and why she was not taken too. She knew.” 

“No.” Frigga’s eyes filled with tears beside her open mouthed husband. “Tell me it is not true Loki, please.” Loki looked at her guiltily. 

“So when we scoured the palace for you, paced outside your chambers, listening to your wife scream in agony as she lost your son, you were busy…” Thor became angered. He looked down at Lorelei. “You deserve the same you know.” He looked at Lorelei in disgust. “And worse, but going by the manner you have been walking of late, I suspect you already received your punishment.” Thor looked his brother up and down, an expression of disgust on his face. 

“No.” The gathered group looked at you curiously. “That alone is not punishment enough for what he has done.” The dead look in your eyes and the steadiness of your voice scared them all. “I lost the baby because of him, because of what he…”

“Loki can be blamed for many things, but not for the infant’s death.” Odin argued. 

You glared toward Loki, who had all the appearance of one wishing for death itself, it would surely have been less painful in his opinion. “I am. She speaks only the truth.” He admitted. 

“How so?” Thor asked, confused. 

“I desecrated the Threyja mark she placed on me.” 

Frigga walked forward to her younger son, who looked at her shamefully, knowing she would know well the power of a Threyja mark; tears flowed down her face, such was her anger. Before he could say anything, she swung her hand swiftly and slapped him across the face with a resounding slap. Everyone stared open mouthed. “You are my son Loki, and no matter what you have done, I never once felt shame in that declaration, until today.” 

Loki stood there broken hearted as his family walked away from him, their attentions on you, with Lorelei left on the floor waiting for someone to get her a healer. 

X X X X X

You could not face the rooms you once shared with your husband any longer. The ones where you had consummated your marriage; conceived your baby, where you birthed him, and where he had died. There was no way you would be able to find rest there anymore. But as you walked into the chambers you had occupied when you first came to the palace, you choke out a sob. You could feel it, the sordid deeds your husband’s magic had hidden there. He had brought her to the only place other than your shared rooms that you had ever felt was a sanctuary, and taken it from you. He had taken everything. 

Lorelei’s words came back to you again. She implied he had done things with her that he never even tried suggesting with you. It ate at you, at your already depleted self esteem. Your anger became so great you lashed out with your seidr. Screeching in anguish, you allowed it shatter every last item of furniture in the room beyond repair, most of it focused on the bed, but as you honed in on that, her words burned in your mind. ‘there was very little laying involved it must be said.’ The sneer boiled your blood; she was not so gleeful when she was left deal with the consequences of her actions, which gave you some solace. 

Panting from exertion, you could only think of how much it had hurt, the agony, the birth, and the realisation. It would never stop hurting, that you were sure of. You loved him so much, but clearly it was not enough. You gave him everything, but it was obviously not what he wanted. 

You turned to leave, and paused, your stomach dropping to your feet. He was standing at the doorway, surveying the damage you had caused. “Sorry to say you won’t be able to relive your night.” You snarled, feeling ill to your stomach. “It was not enough for you to destroy what we had, you had to do it here?” You shook with anger. 

“I…”

“There is nothing you can say, I don’t want to hear what excuse you have.” You cried, more tears falling. “You killed him.”

“I know I did, and nothing will ever take away what I have done, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I cannot bring him back, I cannot run from it. What I put you through.” He stated, his voice was almost broken. 

“Why? Why did you do this to him, to us? What did I do wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Loki took a step forward, but you immediately stepped back. “It was never what you did or did not do. It was me.” 

“We both know I clearly was not satisfying you, why else would you run to a glorified whore to fill your depraved needs.” He stared wide eyed at you. “She told me, she told me what you did.” 

“Darling…”

“Don’t.” You put your hand up. “Do not ever call me that again. I wish to leave. Leave this palace, and this realm.” 

Loki fell to his knees. “Please, no. We can try and fix this, please; I want to try and make up for what I have done.” 

A cold laugh escaped you. “You think I still want you? Do you think that after you have broken my spirit that I would stay? Do you think so little of me? Why would anyone allow themselves be destroyed further by you?” 

Loki began to weep. “I love you, please, please do not do this. I know you love me too. You left the Threyja mark on; that has to mean something.” He stated in distress. 

“Yes, it does. It means in my grief, I forgot to take it off.” You dismissed. “It does not matter now regardless, it means nothing.”

“It means everything.” 

“No Loki, it means nothing. You did not care about it then, so why would you care for it now?” You pulled yourself together and stood tall. “There is nothing more to say Loki.” 

“Please.” He began to crawl forward on his knees towards you as he begged. “Please.”

With a deep breath, you walked passed him, attempting to pull the end of your dress from his grasp. “Let go Loki.” 

“No, I cannot, you cannot give up on us.” He held onto it as tightly as possible. 

“There is nothing left Loki, accept it, and move on. Perhaps you should go to Lorelei, she clearly is what you wished for. I have little doubt that she will decline the role as your wife, you are, after all, so very well suited.” You were surprised by just how deadpan your own voice sounded as you said those words, there was no emotion in them, but you knew why, you did not care, now if only Loki would accept it. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, please no. I love you. I want only you.” The tears fell fast from his eyes. 

“You had me, remember.” You pulled your dress free of him finally. “I just wish I had been enough.” 

You walked out of the room without a backwards glance. As you closed the door, you heard Loki’s anguished sobs emanate from the room, but you did not have it in you to care. It was his own doing, he was not the victim, you had been, your son had been. Thinking of the baby you had loved so much, your heart sank as you recalled how he was his father’s image. Would his eyes have been your colour? You would never know, and it was his doing.” Anger coursed through you once more as you cursed yourself for forgetting to remove Loki’s threyja mark again before leaving the room. As you turned to go back in, your mind went back to the agony you had felt when he betrayed you, the sharp throbs that tore through your body. He would never know such pain, how could he, for you had never betrayed him in such a manner, the thought never even occurred to you……until now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decade on, Thor comes in search of you. What is it he has to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I have not updated, I had severe block and with the sensitive issues in this piece, it took longer than usual to get back in the zone.

You stared out at the skyline, watching the beautiful sunset before you, drinking a heated chocolate drink, your hands tight around the cup, sitting on the balcony of the dwelling you had been residing in for the past ten years as you thought over what your life had altered over time. It was something you always seemed to wind up doing of late; having gotten used to doing so after a passionate encounter. 

At first you had decided to do such to make Loki feel the betrayal and agony you had felt, to make right somehow the injustices he had done to you in any way possible. It also made you feel desirable and attractive again after the severe blow to your confidence. Men had been willing, Vanaheim had more than it’s fair share of attractive and virile men, but it still did not take away the emptiness you felt when you were alone. 

Often as you bathed, your hand would unconsciously rub where the Threyja mark had previously been located on your chest, and your eye would often fall to your once again flat stomach, which showed no signs that you had ever been a mother. You had cried many nights holding your abdomen, missing the little flutters of magic and the little kicks of the baby you had carried within. The baby the Norn’s so cruelly wished to have returned to them before he was ever born, all because of what his father did. Loki. 

The idea of the act between him and Lorelei played over and over in your mind. You could not escape it, any time your mind was left too idle; it would seep in, his hands on her body, the pleasure you knew he could bestow causing gasps and moans to escape her mouth, not yours. The nightmares were worse, in them you were always tied to the bed, in agony as once more you birthed your son, all the while being forced to watch them perform lewd acts on one another uncaringly as the torturous pain crippled you. It was a common occurrence for you to wake drenched in sweat, even now. 

The one thing you realised was that the night’s you sought and found a willing partner; the nightmares were not as common. So when the thoughts of revenge no longer interested you, you continued the pattern, if just to end the fear of sleep. 

There were also the times you found yourself thinking thoughts of what could have been, those often hurt more than reality. Loki’s arms around your rotund middle, kissing your cheek as he stated he could not wait to introduce your second child to your first. You swallowed hard as the vision came to you once more; you shuddered when a movement close to you on the balcony startled you. Looking around, you gave a small smile when you realised Thor somehow came to be standing nearby. “It has been a while.” 

“It has.” He agreed. “I am sorry to disturb you.” He looked around the balcony. “May I speak with you on a matter?”

“Looking for something?” You asked, as he came closer to you. 

He rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Well…”

You smiled knowingly. “No, there is no one else here.” You informed him. 

Thor frowned slightly. “How are you?”

“I have been better.” It was the truth, even the best day now was nothing compared to the life you had before it happened. “What of you? I hear congratulations are in order. I know that you and Sif will be happy, you deserve one another.”

“I am well thank you, and I thank you for your kind words.” Thor stated in a monotone, which told you he was dancing around why he was standing there in front of you. “Sif misses your company.” 

“So she states in her letters.” In truth, you had missed her too. Her letters were something you always felt somewhat pleased to receive, and made you miss Asgard in some manner. She always avoided any mention of Loki, which had helped slightly. 

“She has voiced her wish to have you there for the wedding.” Thor pressed carefully. 

You shifted uncomfortably; she had asked such of you several times in several letters, she asked, pleaded and even begged for your return for the occasion, but in each response, you had actively ignored said requests. “So that is the reason for your coming here? It is upon her request?”

“No, Sif has no idea that I am here, and before you suggest otherwise, she always did everything to ensure no one but she ever read the correspondence between you, though I do ask for you when I have realised that you have written.” 

“So this is a solo mission then?”

“In a matter of speaking; I wish for my wife-to-be to be happy on our big day, and your being there would most certainly increase the likelihood of such.”

You looked away sadly. “I can’t.” 

“Because of Loki?” You flinched visibly. Even now, his name had the power to hurt you so deeply. “You need not worry.” You looked at Thor with a frown. “Loki has retired from public life. He does not leave his rooms, day or night.” No matter what, he does not leave.” Part of your mind, the cold heartless part that was created as a result of him, rejoiced in that knowledge. “He also never healed properly from the injuries you gave him, be it as a result of the magic you used, or of his own lack of concern after your leaving, but they irk him still. But he accepts it all, because of everything with…” Thor indicated to his chest where the Threyja mark would be located on Loki. “Without anything other than pained acceptance.” 

“It is his own doing.” You growled. 

“Do you still hold such anger that you wish for him to continue to feel such agony?” There was no judgement in Thor's voice, just curiosity. 

Truthfully, you did not; not because you felt he had suffered enough, but because you had finally accepted that it would not bring your son back. You just shook your head. 

“What he did, I understand your anger, and your heartache, but surely you cannot continue to allow it to consume you, it will fester until you are ill beyond healing if you do so. Don’t let their actions take your life also.” 

“He would be walking by now, toddling around unsteadily.” You commented. 

“Do not do this, do not think such thoughts, they will destroy you from the inside out.” 

“His hair was dark, as dark as a moonless night, but in my dreams, I see him with my eyes.” You continued as though you had not heard him. 

Thor looked at you, scared. You were nothing but a shadow of your former self. The actions of the past had broken and crushed the happy and easy going woman who had married his brother, in her stead, was an emotionless shell, tortured by your lost son. “You need to come home.” He placed an arm around you to comfort you. 

“I cannot return there.” 

“You need to take your life back.” Thor looked to the skies. “Do you have anything essential you require bringing with you immediately, or can it all be brought by servants?” Part of him already knew the answer. You had brought nothing with you the day you had left Asgard but the clothes you adorned, and the state you were currently in told him you did not hold anything as valuable or sentimental. “Heimdall!”

You had not used the Bifrost in the decade since your departure and seeing it again did not cause you to feel any modicum of joy. The look on the Guardian’s face when you passed him that night you had fled was as stoic as it always was, but even he could not hide the sympathy and pity in his eyes. Arriving back at Asgard’s entrance, his expression was just as solemn, the pity still present. He knew all, he saw all, and could see that your life was still marred by the pain that continued to torture you. “Allfather.” He bowed to Thor. “Your Highness.” He turned to you.

“I am no longer married into the royal family; there is no need for such titles with me.” You commented plainly. 

“Your marriage still stands, ergo, I must use it.” The guardian countered. 

Shocked by the revelation, you turned to Thor. “You left the realm without making any official requests through the court, and Loki has imprisoned himself in the confines of his rooms, so neither of you did anything to dissolve you marriage, so yes, technically, you are still the princess of Asgard.”

“Consider it the first order of business when court convenes in the morn.” 

“Court is adjourned until after the wedding I fear.” Thor rubbed his neck awkwardly. 

“Thor…”

“You have waited this long, a few days more surely will not be too taxing.” 

“I was blissfully ignorant to that fact before now. Why has it not been forced? Is he not required to…provide…Has his precious harlot not given him a son?” Saying that sentence killed you a little inside. 

Thor scoffed. “In what manner do you think he could be forced? After what…He wants nothing to do with any being. Mother was the only one he would speak any little bit with for some time, now he does not even acknowledge her. Any time I go to see him, he just stares ahead of himself, awaiting the next bout of pain.” Thor explained. 

If it was his plan to make you feel any bit of guilt, it was not working; and to his surprise, Thor realised such too. “I am quite tired, I best get to the city.” You responded, as though simply bored. Thor watched as you began to walk over the Bifrost Bridge, indifferent to your surroundings. 

X X X X X X

Loki winced as he felt the mark on his chest begin to prickle slightly, and prepared himself for the agony he was certain was coming once more. He had not realised the Bifrost had been used, having not had his curtains open in well over a year; instead, he simply stared at the fire in front of him. When the pain did not come, he looked down at his chest, where the Threyja mark still marked his skin, wondering why it was behaving in the manner it was doing so. He looked around the room as though he was just seeing it in its very dishevelled state for the first time. Something was very different he realised, he was just unsure what that was.


	5. Chapter 5

When the Frigga and Sif saw you they realised you were not the woman they once knew. Frigga went to embrace you but all you did was remain still. Sif did the same with similar results. You could not bring yourself to smile; even something as wonderful as seeing your oldest friend marrying the man who always made her happy could not raise one true smile from you. That was something they noted, as you had always been cheerful, often to the irritation of more stoic Lords and Ladies. 

Much to your relief, you were led to rooms that though were in the royal family quarters, were not the ones you had shared with Loki, or the ones he desecrated. As soon as you were left to yourself for a moment, you wanted to leave. Even a decade on, you could not feel at ease there. 

As Thor promised there was no sign of Loki, you could hardly sense his seidr, so you knew he was nearby but thankfully he did not make an appearance. 

Sif offered for you to join her and Frigga with organising the wedding, and though in many ways it brought back the all too painfully happy memories of your own, it gave you something to do that occupied your mind, and in turn, kept the negative thoughts at bay. 

Frigga noted that no matter what happened, you remained eerily emotionless, just responding as helpfully as you could muster yourself to be, but there was no enthusiasm in your actions. “Might you join me for a walk later Sweetheart, you look like you need an ear and some fresh air?” Frigga asked as the seamstress took your measurements, trying to have a suitable dress made last minute. 

“I think I should try to get some rest today, perhaps tomorrow.” You suggested, knowing there was no possible way to speak with Frigga without her at least mentioning her younger son. 

“Wonderful.” She gave a small smile to hide her upset, knowing full well that you were deflecting. “Will you be staying long after the ceremony, we are just so happy to have you home again?”

“I will remain until court reassumes. Apparently my marriage still stands. I have to rectify that.” 

Sif and Frigga shared a look when you turned to the dressmaker. For the first time since your return, there was emotion in your voice, one of anger. 

X X X X X X

Thor finished his daily duties and headed to Loki’s rooms as was the norm for him. Loki never spoke or even acknowledged him, but he continued to go regardless. He hated what his brother had done, how he had treated you when he had declared you to be the love of his life, but he was still his brother, and to Thor, his remorse was more than blatantly clear. 

To his surprise, Loki was sitting by the window, staring at the world outside. “Brother?” Thor frowned, unsure what caused the change in pattern; wondering did he know of your return. But Loki did not respond he just sat there, staring outside, so Thor continued his routine as usual. Informing Loki of the going-ons in the realm, and of late, how the wedding preparations were going, he never reacted to the mentions of the wedding, and Thor knew his brother would not attend. He had not attended their father’s funeral, so a joyous occasion was even less likely to stir the prince from his self inflicted imprisonment. “You need to live Loki, not simply exist.” Thor stated as he turned to leave. 

Loki, who had not looked at him once in his time there, rubbed the mark that marred his chest, still prickled in a non painful manner, bitterly thinking that he did not deserve such after everything that happened. Part of him was relieved when he felt the agony course through him, it told him you were still alive but the sensation he now felt worried him. He wondered if it meant you had found someone new to love and cherish as you once did him. You were something that he almost obsessed over most days, wondering what was happening in your life now. When the pain coursed through him, it also caused him to become unfairly jealous as he thought of you getting pleasure from another, when he had sworn to himself he would be the only man to give you such, but clearly now you were able to find affections elsewhere, but it also made him feel dread, as it meant you were moving on when her felt he never could. 

Leaning back against the wall, he thought again of the night you left, waiting until he and the rest of the house were slumbering before walking out of the palace and across the long path to the Bifrost, the noise of the great machine waking them all. No sooner had he realised what it was that had woken him, he knew immediately that it you were gone. The heartache of his betrayal, of the baby he had caused you to lose was only compounded by your leaving. He was no fool, he knew his actions were beyond atonement, but he had planned to try, and with your being gone, he never could. 

The first time he had felt the pain radiating from the mark, he felt the full gravity of what you had endured, both physically and emotionally. Then he added the pain of what he had heard was childbirth, he hated himself even more after that. After time, the pain never lessened, nor did the mark begin to fade, so his life became a simple cycle of waking every day around noon, something he would never have done before, eat enough to get through the day, await the agony he never knew would come or not, and then to sleep again, only to be repeated the day after. All as his mind tortured him with your anger, your anguish, your tears, your words, over and over, as well as the lifeless form of the beautiful son you had created together, that you had so happily carried, whom you had loved, the child he remembered being elated to realise you were carrying, and that he had killed. 

New tears came to his eyes as he recalled holding his son in his hands. He had not been ready to be born, so small and fragile. “I’m sorry.” He wept to himself. 

X X X X X X

“You look so beautiful.” Frigga beamed, looking at Sif as she readied to wed Thor. 

“A warrior and a beauty, a deadly combinations.” You gave your now customary small smile. 

“Why am I more nervous of this than I have ever been going into battle?” Sif asked anxiously, playing with the front of her dress. You simply gave a knowing look in return, but did not respond. Frigga went to retrieve something to add to the dress, and Sif turned toward you. “I really am so glad you are here. I know it is not the least bit easy for you.” 

“I can ensure anything for a few days for one such as you.” In truth it was a living hell, but you knew better than to guilt Sif for her request to have you there. When you needed her, she stood beside you, even threatening Loki, a true friend. 

“I wish I could see you more often, but now I…”

“You will be too busy after today as a warrior, a wife and as Allmother to concern yourself with one such as me, and when you add being a mother to that list…”

“Norn’s, I cannot think of that right now, the thought of…” Sif placed her hand over her mouth. “I am sorry.” Tears began to well in her eyes. “When I think of you…” you swallowed, though your throat felt dry. “If I had known…”

“Do not fret, it was not your doing.” You dismissed. “Just do not be a fool Sif, I know Thor is a good man, I know after everything, he would not be so callous, but do not let yourself feel as I have felt Sif, none should ever know such pain.” Your voice was even and again emotionless, as though telling her directions to the dining hall, rather than referring to how your life came to be ruined. 

“He really destroyed you, didn’t he” She commented, putting into words what she, Thor and Frigga had thought since they all laid eyes on you after the decade. “You are no longer the same person.” 

“How can anyone expect me to be?” You half laughed coldly. 

“I know, it’s just…I…I do not know what to say.” Sif admitted. 

“There is nothing to say, now, go be happy Sif.” You rose to your feet. 

“What of you?”

“What of me? As you stated, that me is gone, we all know that to be true, all I can do now is continue on like this.” 

“It is not fair.” 

“None knows that better than I. Just promise you will learn from it.” You handed her the ribbon she was expected to bring with her before helping her to her feet and turning her towards the door. “Now go.” 

With the forced ending of the conversation, Sif made sure she did not give any indication that she had been close to tears and walked from the room. 

Frigga watched as her soon-to-be daughter in law and soon-to-be ex daughter-in-law with concern before readying herself for the day ahead; one that though it was full of joy for Thor and Sif, was bittersweet for her as she no longer had her beloved Odin, and Loki was all but a living ghost, broken by his own terrible decision, and you, destroyed by his actions, all your previous signs of joy and happiness obliterated. It killed her a little inside to witness everything that had fallen apart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki finally see each other again, with strained results.

Loki could not sleep, though that in itself meant very little. He had become accustomed to either sleeping for a number of days, or not sleeping at all, but with the feeling in his chest, as well as the unsettled feeling in his stomach concerned him slightly. He had sat at the window and watched over the few days since he first decided to do so as countless carriages came from the Bifrost carrying the many guests for the wedding. He thought of the festivities Thor had not even wasted his breathe asking him to participate in; the older knew what Loki’s response would be. 

Envy coursed through him as he thought of Sif and Thor being happy together. It hurt all the more knowing he had something similar and he threw it all away, for nothing. A few moments of pleasure, pleasure his beautiful wife would have been all too willing to give him if he had simply vocalised his yearnings, or if he had just waiting until she had given birth. A handful of months, that was all it would have been, and he would have had the perfect life. His loving wife, his son, perhaps even another one by now; and he would be in his brothers company at the present moment, joking and laughing instead of being in horrific misery, alone and in constant pain. 

As the days to the wedding decreased, he felt himself become more and more anxious for reasons he could not comprehend. On the day of the event itself, he fidgeted in his rooms, with energy he knew he should not possess. 

In the evening, when he knew all of the palace would be in the now gloriously decorated main rooms, he rose from his seat and painfully made his way to the room’s door. 

The hallway was clear but for the Einharjar who were permanently stationed there. They noted the somewhat hermit prince and exchanged looks, but did nothing more. Loki was just turning to return to his rooms when he recognised an aroma he had not smelled in years, essence of Lemongrass. His stomach jolted slightly as he recalled your love for it. 

He had held onto a blanket of yours that had been accidentally been drenched in the oil by an inexperienced maid not long before that faithful day when everything changed. The smell had long faded but he still held onto it, thinking of you. 

It caused him to turn again and look up and down the hallway. Slowly, he made his way down to some of the other royal suites and the aroma intensified. His limbs soon began to ache from long term lack of use and he found himself out of breathe. Coming to a door that according to the emblem, was designated for a visiting royal, he took another deep breath, sure enough the sweet smell of the citrus from the Lemongrass seeped deeper into his nostrils. Pressing lightly on the handle, the door opened, revealing that there were none inside. 

He slowly walked in, looking around, when he took in the different items in the room, he found himself standing open mouthed. 

After a few moments, he realised the Threyja mark was prickling though with greater intensity. His hand reached to it and he rubbed it gently. 

You had returned, that was the reasoning behind his energy surge and his mark reacting as it did. It gave him hope, but also with dread, he was unsure if he could face you again, now he had greater comprehension of the effects of his actions. 

X X X X X X

 

Thor and Sif were laughing and joking happily with their friends, as well as chatting and conversing with the many that had come from the different realms to join on their joyous day. Many noted your presence and though none knew the reason for your disappearance from public events, they knew there was something highly peculiar about it. A few tried to converse with you, but you quickly diverted from any questions and made a hasty departure. 

When the happy atmosphere became too much for you, you quietly made your way from the great room to the empty hallways outside. Walking aimlessly, you found yourself quickly making your way back to the private quarters. The charade of happiness through the day had exhausted you; you were relieved to be able to rest, hoping your tiredness would keep the nightmares away. 

You pushed the door to your rooms open, then you froze. As though your worst fears and nightmares had amalgamated into one concentrated experience. You were about to try and find your voice to order him to leave when he turned to face you. It shocked you slightly how pathetic and dishevelled he appeared. Loki had always been one for being neat and presentable, but it was clear he had not concerned himself with such in a very long time. His skin had a waxy hue and he looked nigh on malnourished. 

“I…” He began. His eyes were wide at seeing you. 

“Get out.” Your voice was cold. 

“I’m sorry, I could smell your soaps, it brought back memories.” He explained. 

“So you just barged in? Of course you did, you have no respect for anything, least of all me.” 

“No, I thought, I don’t know what I thought. I didn’t think…”

“Yes, I would believe that, that is something you have issues with, not thinking.” 

Loki simply stood there, looking at you sorrowfully. “I apologise, again. I will leave now.” He turned to leave. 

“Why did you not have the marriage dissolved?” Loki turned to look at you again. “The marriage, why is it still valid?”

“I did not want…”

“If you honestly state that you were holding on to some form of perverse hope or something.” You chuckled coldly. “I want nothing to do with you Odinson, you ruined my life.” 

“Do you think I do not know that?” Loki bellowed, tears streaking his eyes. “Do you think that a day has gone by that I have not thought of the destruction I brought upon us? I killed him, and I broke you, your joy.” 

“What are you on about?” You growled dismissively. 

“That look you used to have in your eye, that beautiful brightness, it’s gone.” 

You shook slightly in anger. “Of course it is gone, look what I allowed you to do. If I had not been so naïve as to think you were someone I could be happy with, someone I could trust. I do not know what I regret more, doing the mark at all, or just you. If there was no mark, I would still have been betrayed, but at least I would have my baby.” You began to cry, something you were almost convinced you could no longer do. 

“Don’t…I.” He could not respond, there was nothing he could say. “I wish we had not met.” You stared blankly at that admission. “If we had not met, you would still be that person, the one who loved life, who laughed and danced. Not what I caused you to become.” 

You stared at him for a few moments. “As soon as Thor reopens court, I am getting the marriage dissolved, as soon as he states that that is done, I am leaving, and I truly hope I never again have to return.” You explained. 

Loki simply nodded. “I hope you find happiness again.” 

You scoffed. “Not possible.” 

“But you…” He made sporadic hand gestures before pointing to his chest where the Threyja mark still remained. 

“What I do, or indeed who with; is none of your concern.” You snapped coldly. “Now get out.” 

Without another word, he limped out of the rooms, frustrated and angered, you paced, knowing sleep was not something you could even consider at present. You needed to rant, to vent you anger, but Sif was busy enjoying her wedding, you could never expect her to abandon it for such a depressing matter. You were angry at the tears that were now falling from your eyes, as it showed the power Loki still had to hurt you. No matter what you did to try and get through everything he had done, he still had the ability to destroy you, and it upset you. 

X X X X X

“Loki!” Frigga stared in disbelief when she returned to her own rooms after the festivities to see her younger son sat in the same chair he used to occupy when he used come to her for advise many years ago. “You left your rooms.” She stated. 

“She’s here.” He replied plainly, still staring at the far wall. 

Frigga frowned, even now he was unable to say your name. “Yes.” Her voice was quiet. 

“How long?” 

“Nearly a week.” Loki gave a small noise of pain. “She does not want to be here, and will be gone as soon as she can go again I suspect.” 

“I…When she left…I wanted to try and atone…but when I heard the Bifrost that night...” 

“There is no way for you to atone for this Loki, she is not interested in such. You can only move on with your own life.” 

“I have to try.” 

“You cannot, you know this.” Frigga sighed. “A Threyja mark can only occur when the caster is truly devoted to their partner. You destroyed the trust she bestowed on you, add to that the…” Frigga swallowed, she could not force herself to mention the infant. 

“I crushed her, the light she used have in her eyes, it is gone.” 

Frigga frowned. “You have been in close contact with her?” 

Loki nodded. “I felt her return, even if I did not realise it. The mark, it…I am not sure what it did but it seemed to sense her being close.” 

“It still connects you to her?” Frigga’s eyes went wide with that knowledge.” And how did she react?” 

“How do you think? She was disgusted at the sight of me. She hates me.” 

“She is still grieving. What you did Loki...” Loki looked at the floor shamefully.

“I…” Loki began to sob. “Seeing her again.” 

“You still lover her.” Frigga realised, he could not meet her gaze. “Loki.” Her tone became sympathetic. “My son, you cannot hold onto what is truly gone.” 

“I ruined everything, for nothing.” He wept. 

“And that is something you need to live with. I know you do not wish to hear it, but it is the painful truth. She does not love you anymore Loki, I dare wager she no longer loves anyone, even herself.” 

Loki leant forward into his hands. “I wish it was me that died and not my son.” 

“Loki.” Frigga walked over and held him against her. 

“I would happily die if it would bring him back, to make her happy again.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some angry words with Frigga, you need to escape the palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays in updates, it can get a little heavy on the angst with the subject matter.

Angry, you paced your rooms, not able to full cope with dealing with Loki once again. “You need to talk.” You jumped slightly at the sound of Frigga’s soothing voice. Turning round, you found her looking at you from close by, not sure when she had come to your rooms. 

“I need to leave.” You countered. 

“No sweetheart, you need to actually say what it is you are dealing with.” 

“You know damn well what I am dealing with.” You were losing your patience. 

“You have yet to tell anyone, so no, no one but you does. You yelled at Loki then, and you did so tonight, but you have not stated what it is you are feeling, what it is you are going through.” Frigga stated factually. 

Angered, you went for the door, only for her to lock it with her magic before you got there. “Leave me out.” You turned and snarled viciously. 

“You need to stop running from this.” 

“No, I need to leave.” 

“Sweetheart…” 

“Stop…stop calling me that, I am not his wife anymore, I have not seen you in a decade, and you don’t know what the Hel I have been through, so cease pretending to actually care.” 

“I do care sweetheart, and that is why I am here. You need to let this all out before it kills you.” 

“I wish it would.” You spat out. “My reason for living died when I realised what he did, and what it cost me and my baby.” 

Frigga’s eyes welled with tears. Both of you had come to loathe your very existences, seemingly nothing would repair you or indeed your broken lives. She thought often of Loki’s actions, and every time she felt sorry for her younger child, she also felt immense anger. His actions would never be condonable, even Odin and Thor, for all their faults, had never hurt their own loved ones so horrifically. “You are right, I do not know the pain and suffering that is losing my child.” She admitted. You looked to her again. “No one in this house knows how you have suffered, betrayal and death in one foul swoop.” Your breathing increased as you felt anger boil in you once more. “But what is there to be gained from this…this anger and hatred you are now filled with? You must move onto the next stage of your grief, allow yourself to let go of the anger you feel towards Loki, there is no more to be gained from it. You have said what you knew you had to say. Why allow his actions dictate the rest of your life?” 

“I just want my baby.” You admitted, feeling tears come again and hating yourself for it. “I want to stop this…this pain I am feeling.” You thumped the sides of your head with closed fists, trying to release the anger that had pent up in you again. 

“What good is it adding physical pain to it all, it will not make your heartache any less painful?” Frigga soothed. “Darling, you cannot bottle this all in anymore, you can feel how it needs to be left out, only then can you begin to heal.” 

“I did.” Your voice trembled. 

“No sweetheart, you think you did, but you would not feel this way now were you to have. You have accepted your loss, that is clear, but you have not accepted the grief that that entails.” 

“He’s gone.” You sobbed. “I never got to hear him cry, hear his gurgles. I wanted him so much.” Violent sobs racked through you. Frigga wasted no time in coming over, sitting you on the bed, and holding you against her; and being so deprived of caring contact for so long, you permitting her to. 

“I know sweetheart, I know. You were so happy.” She stroked her hair. “Let it out darling, you have to. You have to just let it out.” 

You were not sure if you were just so tired of pretending to be strong, or if it was finally having someone just want to comfort you again, but you let it out, unable to keep it together any more. After a while, your chest hurt, your eyes were red rare and you were dehydrated and exhausted. But Frigga did nothing but stroke your back and head, and said over and over how you needed to let it out, how she never knew someone to be so strong for so long. 

Finally you fell asleep, exhausted from the relief of having contact with someone again, and letting the emotions you had been trying to keep to yourself since arriving back to Asgard out. 

When you woke again, your body ached in every possible way and you felt like Hel. Frigga was sitting nearby with a chalice of what you suspected was a remedy for the pain you were in. willingly, you drank it all down. You gave a little nod of thanks and said nothing. 

Frigga watched for several minutes after you finished the drink and curled up in the bed again, facing away from her. “I am sorry sweetheart, I never thought him capable of doing what he did to you. His failings as a husband are a clear indication of mine and Odin’s failings as parents. We should have taught him better, I genuinely thought we had.” She apologised as she turned and walked from the room. 

An hour or so passed and you were unable to get back to sleep, Frigga’s words ruminating in your head. She blamed herself for Loki’s shortcomings; they were not the actions of any bar Loki and the bottom feeding whore he had lay with. Odin had not seemingly been unfaithful to Frigga, or her to him, ergo, they had never set a precedent for Loki to think such behaviour was acceptable. It annoyed you how Frigga was attempting to take the blame for Loki’s deeds. Perhaps that was their fault as parents; they did not allow their children take full responsibility for their actions. Irritated once more, you rose from the bed and thought of what you should do. 

Not long later, you found yourself pacing as you felt yourself become more and more highly strung, you needed to escape, and you needed to flee. Again thumping your hands as fists into the sides of your head, your vision blurred completely. It hurt too much, your chest felt like it was going to explode from the agony of trying to breathe, from thinking of everything again. Looking at the door, you ran for it, bursting through it and to the next set of doors. You did not even cognitively decide to do anything; your body did such of its own accord. Running through the palace, which was all but silent due to the late night events of the wedding, you met only a few guards and a few utterly bewildered maids and servants on your travels. You only seemed to slow down when you lost your breath, looking around, you realised you were close to the stables. With your body no longer wishing to do as you commanded and flee, you thought it best to get another that would be of sturdier build to do so. Continuing on, and breathing heavily, you arrived at the stables to be met with confused stares from the work hands and stable staff, many of whom were not aware you were even back on Asgard. “I require a horse, immediately.” You demanded. 

Even as the estranged wife of the now hermit prince, they did not waste time, and rushed to fulfil the command handed to them by a member of the royal house. You were swiftly handed the reins of the beautiful black stallion you had been gifted by Loki during your courtship, loyal only to you, and hoisted yourself onto his back. Even with not having being ridden by you in a long time, the animal seemed to have remained just as loyal, if only his buyer had been so himself, and danced slightly under you as he chomped on the bit, desperate to be permitted to gallop, seemingly knowing it was what you also wished for. Digging your heels into his sides, you gave the command, and he responded immediately.

You were hardly able to control him as you made your way through the grounds of the great palace, then through the bustling streets of the city. People stared as you went by, some hardly believing their eyes, others believing but being very taken back by your dishevelled appearance, something you were never known for before your withdrawal from public life. If anything, you and Loki alike were renowned for being overly formal in attire most of the time, with nay a hair out of place. 

As you came to the outer wall of the city, the gate was raised. No sooner did it raise enough to allow you and your horse through, he reared and then galloped forward, the sound of his hooves, thundering against the hard ground soothed you somewhat. The wind whipped your face and his mane brushed against your skin, such was the speed of your travelling. You had no idea where you were going, or even what direction you were heading in, you allowed him to simply gallop, and held on. He galloped for a long time before his speed began to slow; his deep gasping breath broke through to your mind and you pulled on the reins, he slowed immediately until he came to a halt.

The sun was gently making its way through the many leaves that filled the trees above you. It was only then you had realised that you were in the middle of a forest; it took a while to realise it was the one near a hundred miles from the city. The horse continued to pant so you dismounted, realising you had not even put shoes on your feet as the twigs and dirt made its way between your toes, and slowly walked along until you came to a river and pulled the horse to it. 

Checking with your feet, you made sure it was not too cold before allowing him to drink. He guzzled greedily as you stroked his sweaty neck. When he had drank his fill, he slowly began to walk further into it, realising what he needed, you walked in too, allowing the dress you were wearing to get drenched as you pulled him in further. The water cooled him, and soon his breathing returned to normal. 

You stood still for what seemed like an eternity, and watched the water flow by. When the sound of leaves rustling caught your attention, you looked around to see a little fox eyeing you from the other side of the bank. It seemed frightened at first as to whether you were a danger to it or not, but after a few moments, be it that it thought you of little threat, or if its need for water won out over its fear, it approached the bank and lapped at the water, watching you cautiously as it did so; you merely watched in intrigue. 

After some time, the water seemed to get colder, and looking to the sky, you realised the sun was beginning to set. The horse had come to relax by the stream, grazing and seemingly enjoying the soft ground beneath his hooves. When you took the reins in your hands and pulled him to a place which would permit you to mount him once more, he stood still and awaited a command. It was a long journey back to the palace, and the horse was not able to gallop as he had earlier in the day, so you trotted back slowly, taking in the surrounds. The roads were quiet for the most part, and you merely ignored the few you met on the way; by nightfall, you were still a fair few miles from the city, though the lights were glowing in the distance. You contemplated spending the night in a tavern that you could see on the road ahead, but thought against it in the end, not wanting to have to have people stare at you, or worse, ask why the Princess of Asgard found herself ragged and alone outside the palace, in such a place and where had you been for so long. 

As you approached the premises, you noted a woman outside it, cursing and spitting as she tried to tidy herself. She was clearly drunk and seemed to walk with a defined limp, but you paid no more great heed to her. 

“Well, well…” Your blood ran cold at that voice. “The precious princess.” You pulled on the reins and the horse halted. “You look almost as bad as me.” She sneered. 

“I very much doubt that, I may be somewhat unkempt looking after my ride, but I look nothing to rival you Lorelei.” You snarled as you turned to look at her. “Did your limbs never set properly?” 

“You know well they did not. You ensured they could not. Even that healer of the palace could not reset them.” She shrieked. It gave you some perverse pleasure to know that Eir, who, with some effort could have repaired the damage you had done, had chose not to. You made note to send on something to her in gratitude. “I am forced to live like this, because of you.” 

“You are forced to live like that because you chose a particular path, and the results of which caught up with you, you have only yourself to blame.” Your grip on the reins became so tight, your knuckles went white. 

A man came out of the tavern, angry and as good as growling. “There you are you filthy whore, you have more men to take care of tonight.” He commented to Lorelei. 

She looked at him angrily before looking back to you. “It appears you have found your calling in life, I always suspected you were nothing better than a tavern wench. At least you are doing something you clearly love, I wish you the best.” You gave a smile that was more of a snide sneer of pleasure, knowing full well she loathed how her life had turned out. You were certain you heard the word ‘bitch’ from her, but did not care, you felt too good knowing how she now lived, and that gave you some perverted solace. 

With renewed energy, you made your way to the palace once more, getting the horse to canter as you got closer to the city.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon arrival back in the city, you are forced again and again of how greatly you are still loved, even if you do not love yourself.

You trotted the horse in through the city gates, feeling some satisfaction at what had happened the bitch that had helped to take your happiness, who had relished in it. Her words after you had watched your son be sent back to the Norn’s swirled in your mind for a few moments, threatening to drown you in sorrow once more, but the knowledge that Eir had allowed her to suffer, the fact her life was a misery, made you somewhat able to continue on. 

The stallion reared causing you to pay attention again to the world around you, you had been leaving him to direct you back to the palace, as he knew well where it was. Grabbing his mane as well as the reins, you looked to see what had caused him to startle, in front of you, just having landed on the ground, stood Thor, Mjölnir in his hand. “There you are, we have been looking all over the palace for you.” His frantic tone of voice showing it was true. 

“You are supposed to be with your wife. You are supposed to be unreachable for a few days.” You stated, settling the stallion and nudged him forward in a walk. 

“No one could find you.” 

“And?” 

“Mother was sick with worry, she thought you left again, or worse…” 

“I will be leaving again very soon, and if I had not done anything before now, why would I do so today?” Thor shifted slightly. “Seeing him.” You wagered, his face confirming what he thought. “I have seen him every time I fell asleep, every time my mind went idle. Seeing him physically meant nothing really, only having to realise he still has no respect for me by invading my rooms, that was difficult.” 

“You do not have to leave.” Thor stated. 

“Yes, I do, I cannot stay here, it is all too much. Go back to your wife Thor, it does not bode well for a marriage if you are out with another woman a day after your wedding.” 

“Does it when my wife pleaded with me to find her closest friend? We are worried for you.” Thor implored. 

“You are soon to no longer be my family Thor, I am no longer the concern of your family.” 

“We are your family, no matter what happens, you always have us, Sif, mother and myself.” 

“Thank you.” You gave a small forced smile. “Now that you see that I am alright, you should go back to your wife.” You suggested. “How did you find me?”

“Heimdall. He stated you just went and took some time to yourself in the forests and were on your way back through the gates when I went to him in search of you.” 

“Well I just needed some fresh air, I needed to get away from things, sadly I am not capable of such distances singlehandedly.” You indicated to the horse. 

“He missed you, and let none other ride him.” Thor looked at the animal, recalling the many times it seemed to be searching for you when he and the others went to the stables. 

“More loyal to me than he who gifted him to me.” You stroked his strong neck. “I think I shall take him with me this time. Even if he reminds me of him, I love this animal.” 

“I am sure he’d prefer that, he is too good a beast to be wasted getting old in a stable.” Thor gave a weak smile, saddened that you seemed so adamant to leave still. He looked around and noticed that as you had been walking the horse forward, it had caught the attention of a few of the citizens that you were both out of the palace, you looking wild, and him away from his new wife in his battle attire, no doubt wondering what had occurred to cause such a scene in front of them. “I think it best to get back to the palace.” He suggested. 

Giving a small nod, you pressed your heels in and the horse trotted on, hearing the sound of Mjölnir whirring rapidly above you, you waited until you were closer the palace and away from the public before kicking the horse into a canter and through the grounds of the palace. When you reached the stables again you dismounted and walked in front of the horse. “Good boy, do you wish to come with me?” You scratched his whorl as he whickered in response. The stablehand entrusted with the royal family’s steeds walked over and took the reins cautiously from you. “He has drank, but will be exhausted.” You informed him, saying nothing more of the day you had had and what you had the horse endure. 

You walked back to the palace at a swift pace, not paying much heed to anything around you, but just as you come to the grounds outside the family wing, you ceased walking. You sensed someone watching you, looking around, the being was nowhere in sight, suspecting where it could be from, you looked up. Loki’s rooms looked over the grounds where you currently found yourself, but they were in darkness, bar one window, where there was a light on, and in the corner of the window, a shadow. Realising who it was spying on you, you looked away again, not giving him the satisfaction of your attention. 

When you got in to the palace, Frigga was standing in the entrance hall. “Oh thank the Norn’s.” She had tears in her eyes as she rushed forward to embrace you. “I was so worried.” You just stood there, feeling stunned as she held you close to her, clearly frantic at your disappearance. “Are you alright?” She checked you over. “You look like you have had a long day.” 

“I am fine.” You dismissed. “I just needed space.” 

“I will have your maids draw you a bath, and have some food brought for you immediately. You are like ice, better to have the food first as you warm.” She rubbed her aging hands over your bare arms. You wanted to argue, dismiss her concerns, but the need to be comforted and cared for caused you to remain silent, no matter how much you would curse yourself for it later. You allowed her to guide you to the rooms given to you, and by the time you had made your way there, the staff had been informed of what you required and had readied everything, you could even head the water being drawn. 

Frigga sat you to the table and then sat across from you, watching diligently as you ate the warm broth brought for you. You ate without speaking, yet it was not an uncomfortable silence. When you had completed a second serving, you finally looked at her again. “Thank you.” 

“Any time darling.” She gave a small sad smile. “You look like you could do with someone reminding you to eat.” You said nothing, it was true, you often forgot something so simple, it was especially easily to do when you became engrossed in the memories. “Did you have a pleasant ride?” You nodded as you thought again to the existence you came to have in Vanaheim. “Where did you end up?” She forced the conversation forward, though you had little interest in talking. 

“The forests, I had almost forgotten them. I am not sure how I even ended up there, I think Tempest made his way there unconsciously.” You did not stop staring at the vase you had become fixated on as you spoke. 

“I think he missed you, Thor said every time and the warrior’s went to the stables, he seemed to be searching for you in their ranks.” 

“I neglected him, abandoned him, yet he remained loyal.” You felt guilt over leaving the beautiful creature behind. 

“He is yours, of course he remained so.” She soothed, noting the slight alteration to the cold distant demeanour you now had at the mention of the horse. She also recalled the day Loki had had the animal brought to the palace as a gift for you, and wondered to herself the significance of why you held the horse so dear over anything else. It was Loki’s first large gift to you. “You always loved that horse, ever since the day Loki…”

“I think I will take that bath.” You rose from the seat and walked to the other part of the quarters, not wanting to have to hear anything of Loki. 

“You need to speak of him darling, if you are truly to move on.” Frigga did not turn to look at you as you left. 

“He matters nothing to me.” You spat back. 

 

“Indifference indicates nothingness, anger however, that indicates there are still passionate feelings, be they good or bad.” Frigga answered as she rose to her feet. “Enjoy your bath dear, use it to relieve your aching bones and aching mind alike.” She stated motherly as she left the room. 

Inside the bath chambers had become heavily steamed by the hot water, so you were able to lose yourself in it. Though you had a bath which you used nigh on daily in the dwelling you had in Vanaheim, you had missed the oversized and highly comfortable Aesir palace baths. When you sank into the water, you sighed peacefully, loving the feel of the hot water against your skin. You would remain in there for eternity if you were permitted. Sinking under the water, you opened your eyes to see your hair floating around you, before raiding your head above the water again and taking a deep breath. As you brushed the hair off your face with your hands, you thought of Frigga’s parting words, grimacing at their meaning. It was true, to look at Loki and be indifferent would signify you were no longer affected by him, that there were no feelings left, of love or hate, but that was not the case, the mere thought of his name, the smell of citrus and leather combined, his essence, even the idea of him, caused your gut to bubble with an array of emotions, and that angered you beyond comprehension.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You met with Loki again, and the passionate emotions pour over.

You walked swiftly through the great palace, ignoring all you met on your journey if any saluted you; you did not pay any heed to them. You only found yourself stopping when you arrived at the rooms that you had used before you were wed to Loki, where he had… Anger seeped through your pours once more as you thought of the gravity of what they had done. It had given you great pleasure seeing what Lorelei’s life had become, and you relished in the fact that she was now reduced to a tavern wench, there was some justice in that, but for all her wrong, Loki had committed the greater crime. There was no punishment great enough for what he had done, for his killing your son, the image of the beautiful baby you had carried, whom you had loved from the moment you found out you were carrying him, and the anguish overtook the anger. Part of you was desperate to move on with your life, the other, never wished to let go, so there you remained, conflicted and incapable of the closure you needed. Walking into the room, you tried to see if seeing it again would help get over the anger, but even with new furniture, there was a sensation in the room that caused a cold shiver to seep down your spine. It was as bad as the last time, all you wanted to do was lash out and destroy it all again, only, this time, you wanted to obliterate it so that it could never be repaired. 

“Oh.” The voice behind you caused you to swing around. 

“Did you come to relive past glory?” You snarled angrily. 

Loki could not meet your gaze. “I came to remind myself of what I did.”

“You need a room to remind you of that, I need not four walls to aid such memories, I am haunted day and night by what you did.” 

“I’m sorry.” He whimpered. 

“I saw her today, your whore.” He looked up slightly, not in anticipation, but in expectation, he did not care what had happened Lorelei, but he knew you would tell him regardless. “She is a tavern wench, a fitting profession, don’t you think?” 

“It was always suggested she was no better than such.” Part of him, a part deep under the hurt, the part that though he knew it was his own doing, but yet wanted to blame her for tempting him, felt some glee at that information. 

“And what profession should you have now I find myself wondering?” You looked at him, jaw clenched. “Perhaps a butcher, you seem to know a lot of body parts, especially how to removed them in a manner not befitting the finesse of a healer, or perhaps a stud stallion, since you see no issue jumping from one mare to the next.” 

“Please…”

“Please what? You cannot be asking for my forgiveness, nor could you possibly be requesting for me to stop, you knew me, I was never one to keep my thoughts to myself.” 

“I’m so so sorry.” 

“Why?” You did not cry, or weep, but your voice broke. “Why did you do it? I thought we were happy, we had each other, our baby.” 

“I was a fool, I told her to leave me be, but she did not, and I stopped fighting her advances.” 

“This is not all her doing…” You snapped. 

“I know that.” Loki bellowed in an anguished tone in return. “Do you not think that that has eaten at me for my entire existence since?” He took a deep breath. “I would die to bring him back.”

“And I would kill you to do it,” You responded through clenched teeth as you stared at him. 

“I deserve no better.” The angry look on your face fell, and sadness filled it in its stead. “You did nothing to deserve what I did, you were a good wife, a great wife, and you loved him, so much.” Your nostrils flared slightly as you attempted to keep the tears at bay. “I know I do not have right to say this, but the reason I am as I am now is because of my love for you never dwindling. I cannot function without your being by my side.”

“Do not…” You did not need to hear such things. 

“I do not expect you to do anything other than loathing me, I cannot blame you, I loathe myself, you deserve the realms, but instead you got me.” 

“I thought I had them all when I had you,” You stated heartbroken. 

Loki’s own eyes filled with tears as his gaze fell once more to the floor. “I’m sorry.” He wept. 

You watched as tears continued to stream from his eyes, part of you rejoiced in his pain, the other part angered by it, feeling as though he had no right to feel as he did, for it was his doing. “Sorry is not going to bring him back, or indeed me.” 

“I love you.” 

“There is part of me that loves you still also, but I loathe you more.” He winced at those words. “I will never forgive you, so there is no reason to hold out hope. I want my divorce, and if I have to force it, I shall.” 

Loki’s tears continued to fall. “I understand.” He nearly choked getting the words out of his mouth. “I just wish for you to be happy.”

“I was.” You turned to leave, but paused and turned back to face him. “I keep forgetting.” It was difficult to force yourself to go to him, but you kept your gaze on his chest. “Show it to me.” 

Loki took a step back. “Why?” 

“I need to see it to remove it.” 

“I do not wish for you to.” 

“It is time it is taken away. I cannot rid myself of you if that is there.”

“No.” 

“You say you wish for me to be happy, yet you do nothing to permit it.” 

“I will be left with nothing.” His voice was a broken whisper. 

“And who is to blame for that?” You had to breathe deep to keep your own voice from going in a similar manner. “I am going to remove it, whether you wish for me to or not if you let me see it, it is far safer and less painful.”

“Why would you not want to hurt me as much as possible, I deserve it?”

“I do not want to hurt you, I simply wish to be allowed get on with my life, and you with yours, so let me see it.” With tear filled eyes, Loki opened the top of his tunic and pulled it open, revealing a substantial area of his chest, before pulling the material to the side and revealing it. You swallowed as you saw the mark you had once placed on his skin as a declaration of your love for him, the love you thought he shared, it was what killed your son, what had made you suffer pain more horrific than the most agonising of deaths. Forcing yourself you extend your hand you placed it on his chest and concentrated on what you needed to do, feeling his skin under yours sent a shock through you like an electric shock through you, but you continued with your mission. Soon, the mark fizzled away, and all that was left behind was clear milky skin under your fingertips. Even with the spell done, you could not pull away, you simply stared at the chest you had spent days staring at longingly, nipping and biting at that collarbone, leaving more than a few marks on that pale skin. Finally, your gaze went upward when it met with Loki’s face; he was looking at you also. Not a moment later, you felt him rush forward and press his lips to yours. To your own shock, you did not push him away, but pulled him closer, reciprocating as passionately. With your arms around his neck, Loki placed his hands under your ass and hoisted you against him, carrying you to the bed, laying you under him, before his hands began to work on your somewhat tattered dress; neither of you letting your lips escape from the other. When he had moved the material out of the way, he lay on top of you, but instead of casting him aside, you hooked your legs around him and gasped in pleasure as he entered your eager body. 

In the middle of the night, you shifted in your sleep, not paying heed to the feel of a person behind you, until he emitted a groan. Your eyes widened when you recognised Loki’s sleep-roughened voice. You gasped, as you recalled what you had done with him, you were not foolish, you knew it was as a result of the conflicting emotions you still had for him, but it did not stop you from immediately regretting those actions. Then to add insult to injury, your eyes scanned the room you were in, and bile threatened to rise from your stomach as you realised the room it had occurred in. Feeling as though you had betrayed your little son, you rose from the bed. Loki was still sleeping. Your mind spun a hundred different ways as you attempted to process it all. Rather than waking him, you found the dress you had been wearing and put it on quickly before taking another moment to look at him, and then turning to leave. When you left the room, you felt the emotions boil over and escaping your form, a sob left you as you leant against the door to prevent yourself from falling. 

 

“Your Highness.” You turned to see Fandral standing looking at you. “Is everything alright?” He was looking at you in an assessing manner, taking in your dishevelled appearance. Your response was a simple nod, but it was not the least bit convincing to the astute warrior. “Would you like me to get someone?” At that, you shook your head; so he simply stood staring worriedly at you. When you thought of what you had done, a shudder went through you, and your breathing hastened and shallowed. Fandral rushed to your side, holding your arm and shoulder for fear you would collapse. “Breathe, it will be alright.” He was conflicted with whether he should remain with you or go to find someone to assist you, but as your panic attack worsened, he was forced to remain, and attempted to open the door of the room to bring you in and calm you, not realising who was inside, something you fought against when you realised what he was doing. 

“Please, no,” You begged. 

Fandral came to the wrong conclusion as to what you were concerned about. “Your Highness, I would not harm you, I merely need to get you to sit down before you hurt yourself.” 

“Not here, anywhere but here.” 

“I do not understand, I…Oh Norn’s.” Fandral finally realised the reason for your heartache and pleading. “Here?” He pointed to the doorway; you nodded. “Let’s get you out of here.” 

“Please.” You held yourself against him. 

“Come, I have you, lean against me.” His voice, though calm before, was more sympathetic as you walked away from the room and towards the royal hallway. He did not say anymore as he guided you along, earning a few looks from different patrolling Einherjar, but none said nor did anything, knowing well that Fandral, though somewhat promiscuous, was not the sort of scoundrel to coerce a woman to do something against her will. “These are the rooms you are using, are they?” he asked, indicating to the correct door, with a simple nod of confirmation from you, he led you inside. Sitting you in a chair, he looked around. “Where are your chamber staff?” you shrugged, still trying to get your breathing under control. He crouched in front of you, forcing you to look at him, but you simply shrugged. “You need to be tended to.” You simply shook your head, causing him to just look at you, not knowing what to say or do. 

Slowly, your breathing began to get calmer and you slumped back against the chair. “Why did I allow him to convince me to come for this?”

Fandral sat silently for a moment. “I assume you mean Thor?” You nodded. “Because he would do anything to make Sif happy, and he has been worried about you, we all have.”

“Why? I am not worthy of concern.” 

“He may not have seen your worth, but there are those who always have.” there was a bitterness in Fandral’s voice that you noted, causing you to look at him with a furrowed brow. “Look at you, beautiful, witty, intelligent. He was the envy of many, and look what he…you did not deserve such.” Fandral paced angrily as he walked. 

“I appreciate your words, but I do not share your sentiment.” 

“That’s because he decimated your self-worth.” He knelt in front of you. “You deserve so much more than what…” His lip flicked up for a moment in contempt at Loki’s actions. Still confused from everything that had happened; you leant forward and gently pressed your lips against his. For a moment, Fandral allowed the kiss, but then he pulled back. “I cannot allow this.” He shook his head as he spoke. You felt dejected at his statement. “You are confused; I cannot permit this to continue under such circumstances.” You looked at him, silently waiting to see if what he would say next. “After Thor grants the divorce, if you feel the same, I would happily court you, correctly, but I cannot even think to allow this go any further until such a time.” 

A small smile came to you at his words, they were not simply something to convince you to lay with him, but instead signified something more. He wished to be formal, to do things correctly, so with a small nod, you watched as he brought your hand to his lips and gently pressed them to the back of it. “Until tomorrow then.” He smiled kindly. 

“Until then.” The smile on your face was not forced; somehow, the blonde warrior had awoken something akin to happiness within you. Watching him leave, you did not feel the usual heaviness that you were accustomed to and rose from the chair, your actions with Loki coming to the forefront of your mind once more, shaking your head, you decided to go for a bath, and went to the washroom. 

In the relaxing hot water, you sank down so only your head was above it, and thought of the day as it had happened. It was surely almost time for breakfast, and tiredness began to consume you once more as you thought of the freedom that you had experienced for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and of what you had witnessed with Lorelei, a small smile etching onto your features as you did so, then of Loki, which filled you with dread. There was no denying what had occurred with him was an error of the highest calibre, but it was not reversible. Would he think more of it, or would he too have known it was simply ridding you of the last of the emotions you had felt for him, allowing you to move on with your life? Leaving Fandral, who had clearly felt something for you for a long time, but had remained silent as he loved you from afar, while you had loved Loki. When it was revealed what had occurred, his anger was aimed at Loki, and his love remained, leading him to reveal his feelings, and of his wish to have you as his properly. In the times you had been with men on Vanaheim, there were none that you were interested in a future with, but Fandral…part of you thought it a bad idea, that it would only lead to more heartache, after all, Fandral was more renowned than Loki for his bed-hopping, but was something you were willing to risk, it was slightly foolish, but there was something in the way of how he spoke of Loki’s actions, he never had a partner, so he had not ever done as Loki had. As the water began to cool and tiredness consumed you, you left the water and went to the bed, still wet and wearing only a towel, and there you drifted off to sleep, excited, for the first time in years, at what the following day could bring.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Finale. How does life pan out?

Loki woke to a bed void of your being and his heart sank. He was not foolish, your actions the night before were undeniable, they were a goodbye, a goodbye of everything you had felt for him, so to escape the invisible bonds that your heart had put on you when you had loved him. But even with knowing that, he had hoped you would change your mind. He returned to his quarters soon after with the aid of his seidr, not wishing you pass your lodgings, knowing that if he were to, he would not be able to stop himself from going inside. 

You, however, woke to a sense of joy and freedom you did not anticipate, enthusiastic to what you would do. Rising from your bed, the handmaids that were long gone to sleep the night before were running around getting what you required for the day prepared. The dress you had returned in was in tatters, and it was thought best if it was simply discarded, and a new one was waiting for you. As silent as usual, you prepared for the day, not surprised to learn it was closer to lunch than it was breakfast. Making your way down the halls, it all seemed somewhat brighter once more. On your way to nowhere in particular, you came across Frigga, who immediately noted your change in demeanour. 

“Sweetheart, you seem…”

“Yes.” 

There was more than a mere hint of relief in her features at that. “Good.” 

“Would you like to go on that walk you were talking about before?” Taken back by your willingness, she simply nodded and turned so to head outside, into the sun. 

For a while, you simply walked in silence, though it was a calm one, considering how comfortable you were in each others presence, which on some level concerned Frigga, but she was never one to force conversation. When you came to a place that overlooked some of the more beautiful parts of the palace grounds, you inhaled deeply. “You’ve let go.” Frigga finally spoke, realising the cause of the difference in your demeanour. 

“I have, on some level, I have not on others,” You explained cryptically. “I met him again last night; actually, I met both of them.” Frigga tensed. “I did not harm her, she seemed too miserable for that.” You proceeded to explain where you met Lorelei; Frigga felt some satisfaction in her situation also. “When I saw him, I realised that so long as that mark was on him, I would be in some way tied to him, so I removed it, as I had planned to originally really, I just recalled it that time. But I will not forget what he has done, or my son.” 

“No mother ever forgets her child, or stops loving them, even against the worst of actions.” 

“It was not your doing what he did, he chose a path, I just wish I was not harmed in the process.” 

“As do I, my dear.” Frigga gave a small sympathetic smile. “So, what do you plan for next?”

“As soon as Thor is free, my divorce, after that, who knows.” You smiled despite yourself, eyeing something not too far away. 

Curious as to what warranted such a reaction, Frigga stepped forward, to see the Warrior’s Three riding by, Fandral returning your smile. Looking between you for a moment, she began to smile knowingly. “I see.” You turned and looked at her. “You deserve such happiness, and I sense after everything, your heart will not be treated so again.” 

“Is it wrong for me to fear such so greatly, I wish to move on, but what if all of this has broken me?” 

Frigga cupped your face in her hands. “Sweetheart, every heart has cracks, and in some places are shattered, for no one gets through this life unscathed, but you can either hide away and fear love, and in turn, never being happy, or you can try again, and risk both hurt and happiness again, no one can tell before you begin if the result will be more favourable this time. Only the bravest try more than once, and you are one of the bravest beings I have ever had the good fortune to call family.” 

“I will not be such for much longer.” 

“Sweetheart, you will always have me, and Thor and Sif, we will always be there for you.” She smiled, returning the gesture, you looked again to see Fandral speaking with his friends, who both looked up to you and Frigga, bowing slightly before Volstagg clapped his shoulder hard and he turned his horse and trotted over to under the terrace you were standing on. “I think it best I take my leave now.” Frigga smiled knowingly before she turned and walked away. 

“Your Highness.” Fandral smiled. 

“You will have to cease calling me such.” 

On seeing you smile back at him, he dismounted and walked onto the terrace. “I will have to come up with my own name for you.” 

“So long as it is not Darling, I do not care.” 

“Duly noted. So I take it, you are…” He shifted slightly with nerves. 

“A warrior nervous, and indeed you of all people Fandral, this is startling.” You jested. 

“I am not one to lay myself bare to any, much less the woman I have adored for more years than is thought sane from afar.” 

You smiled for a moment, a blush coming to your cheeks before the smile fell again. “I am broken.” 

“I know, I witnessed it.” He gave a sympathetic look. 

“And really scared of this.”

“I cannot blame you, considering.” 

“I’m not perfect.” 

“No one is.” 

Biting your lip, you continued to look at him. “I do not want to remain near this palace.” 

“Then you have a choice, Vanaheim again, as Hogun does with his family, or towards the forests, in the village I grew up in, where the trees hide the city and the palace from its homes.” 

“The latter sounds good.” You smiled. 

“Then the only thing I should warn you about, is my brother, who has the most horrid lies of what I used to do to him as a youngster, pay no heed to anything he says.” You laughed at that, the first happy laugh you could recall since that fateful night. When you finally stopped, Fandral was still smiling down at you, nervously contemplating kissing you, but instead, you took the situation into your own hands and leant up and gave him a small chaste kiss. 

“I am scared I will not be good enough for you.” 

“I fear that the issues of last time have made you think that you are in any way to blame for what happened and that you do not seem to realise, that it was not you that was not good enough, but him.” He pressed his lips gently to your forehead. “I will endeavour to ensure you see that once again.” 

As soon as Thor had court in session again, you walked through the room, head high and a genuine smile on your face, startling many, and requested your divorce. It was granted immediately. Thor had realised as soon as he lay eyes on you again, that though the pain was still not entirely gone, the wounds had healed somewhat, and you were moving on with life, and on hearing it was Fandral attempting to secure himself in your future, Thor simply wished him luck. 

After time, Loki too began to force himself back into the world, and though on occasion he took pleasure in the company of a woman, he was not able to bring himself to love again; he feared the action too greatly. 

As he walked through the grounds one afternoon, he came across Fandral, whom he had learned had wed you not long after your divorce, and with him, two young, blonde haired children, two boys. He watched enviously as the warrior played with his sons, teaching them to gently rub the hound he had taken leave of his senses and agreed to get them. When he looked up to see Loki standing nearby, he tensed slightly, and stood straight, the younger one in his arms. “Loki.”

“They look like you.” 

“Yes, well.” He shifted around anxiously. “A terrible infliction.” He attempted to joke. 

“How is she?”

At that, he tensed further. “Happy.” 

“She deserves such.” Though he was attempting to smile, it was an agony filled one. 

“She does.” Fandral reaffirmed. 

“I am relieved that…”

“Yes.”

A tense silence filled the air for a moment. 

“Father, is that King Thor's brother?” The older boy asked, looking up at the tall dark haired man in front of him. 

Loki knelt on one knee to try and be at eye level with the boy. “I am yes, and what might your name be?”

“I am Ezra, and my brother is Diarmaid.” 

“Well it is good to meet you both; my brother has spoken of you.” 

“Did he say we are to have a sister soon?” The boy asked innocently. 

“No, he did not mention such” He stood up again, looking at Fandral. “I had best leave now, and congratulations.” Fandral simply nodded, and with that, Loki turned and left. 

That night, you learnt of your family meeting Loki, dropping the shawl you had shown him that Sif and Frigga had brought with them on a visit to you earlier that day while Fandral and the boys were at the palace, but Fandral tried to calm you. “They need to see their friends, what good is it having children the one age with your friends’ children if they do not get to interact?” He smiled. 

“But Ezra?” 

“He spoke with him, but nothing more, he did not know.” 

Rubbing your hands over your face, you prayed Fandral was right. Deciding it best to check on your sleeping children, you made your way to their room. They were asleep in their beds, blissfully unaware of the turmoil going on in your mind. 

“I told you, you have nothing to concern yourself with.” Fandral smiled, his hands caressing your belly, where your daughter was still growing. “Even as he sleeps, it is not possible to see.” 

You were not so sure, with a small flick of your hand, the glamour you had placed on him was removed, and his blonde hair turned onyx in colour, a moment later, you returned it to blonde. “How do you not feel repulsed by me?” You asked quietly. 

“Because you were not mine when it happened, and it released you from the bond you had, meaning I could make you mine. I love Ezra, he is our son, an act may create a child, but it does not dictate who the father it needs is.” He explained as he guided you to your room. “I do not care, even if there were no glamour, I would not.” 

“I do not deserve you.” 

Fandral sighed. “What have I told you before, you deserve the best. Now get some rest, our daughter needs you to be strong to carry her.” He brought you to the bed, and lifted the covers for you to get in, when you had, he got in behind you, pulling you against him and placing his hand on your stomach as you fell asleep, not telling you of the fact that Loki had realised there was a glamour on the child, and of the acknowledgement in his eyes of the child he had sired. 

In the palace, Loki thought of the night you had laid with him after so many years apart, he thought of what you had done together, and then he thought of the boy he had seen that day. He sensed the glamour immediately, and using his own seidr, saw through what you had done to alter the child’s appearance. Knowing his features to be copies of his own, he knew the significance of such, but he knew too of your happiness, and of the life you had created with Fandral, so he remained silent, happy in the knowledge his son would grow up loved and happy, under Fandral’s care, much the same as you; that was some solace.


End file.
